Those days that make you feel like a potato...

Today This week has been an emotional, physical, and incredible experience.

I have really been praying through returning to Sierra Leone... should I fundraise for my own costs to go back? Should I focus on fundraising for the kids and not myself? Should I do both or nothing? I've just been a whole jumble of emotions and recently God has opened so many doors of possibility that I just don't know what to think or do any more...

It all started with a dream... I was sitting on the ground, legs folded like a pretzel, rocking and singing to a precious little boy. I knew I was in Sierra Leone because I could feel my backpack on, I had my hair up and as far away from neck as possible, a headband on to catch my sweat, and I could just sense that I was there... As I was really beginning to look at the baby's face an Auntie came and took the baby from my arms... before I could even begin to protest I woke up. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!? At first I thought maybe this was God telling me, "Hanna you want to go back, but now is not the time..." or something like that... but the more I think about it I feel like I woke up before I saw the end of the dream... so maybe hopefully sometime soonish... God will show me the meaning/end of the dream...

A while after this I had a beyond meaningful conversation about praying through going back to Sierra Leone and whether the timing was mine or God's or what exactly and another door of possibility was opened to me... perhaps I will have a chance to share this later... we'll have to see...

Finally tonight happened. I have started going on run/walk/jog things because my water aerobics plans are not working out here in Pella and today I was tired. I hurt. I was grumpy. I wanted to just go to bed. BUT... God had other plans (doesn't He always?)

On Wednesday nights here on campus our Intervarsity chapter puts on an event called Nine. Its sort of like a praise and worship night with a little bit of sermon. As I said before... I was not in the mood to go. I had my pajamas on, was in my bed all tucked in, ready to fall asleep when my cousin (who yes now goes to school with me... yay!) texts me and says "You need to come. Be there!! You need to come and love some Jesus!" She was just too convincing... So I got out of bed, got out of my pajamas, and walked across campus to Nine. I expected it to be buggy because it's outside, I expected to see a lot of people... but what I didn't expect was for God to really weigh down my heart. What was the theme of tonight you ask?... it was "What are you passionate about?" What type of song did we sing to end the night?... Africa worship song..... Who felt like a potato today?... me.

At this point you are probably thinking that I have actually lost it... this 19 credit hour semester has officially put me over the edge... but really it hasn't

Sometimes, you just feel like a potato... while the way that potato may be cooked can differ... you can still feel like a potato. This evening I was ready to be a couch potato... do nothing and just go to bed... well the chef of this master plan recipe had other ideas... I was going to be a mashed potato. I feel like a potato on Thanksgiving day that has been put into a mixing bowl and is in the process of being blended and mashed together with a mixer... confused, excited, stressed, happy, sad, everything... all blended together. AND When I shared this with someone tonight they said they felt like a twice baked potato stuffed with sour cream because they were loaded down with some much school work... so see, I'm not completely wacko... just a little :)

Scripture says, "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future..." {Jeremiah 29:11} This spud is taking comfort in God's word... whatever it is that this dream meant, for whatever reason He is opening so many doors for, and because I know He loves me so much that He weighs my heart with a passion for Him and His kingdom... I take comfort in knowing it is His plan... and not mine. He is the master chef of this potato and there couldn't be any better way.

Courageous

Courageous... meaning: not deterred by danger or pain... synonyms: brave, bold, valiant, gallant.... if you Google that word... two things show up, numerous times...

The hit movie about men standing up for their families and for God... and being courageous... 

and the ever popular song... by Casting Crowns... "Courageous" 

Whether the song was made for the movie or the movie for the song... I don't know... what I do know is... whenever this song comes on the radio I get chills... and not for the reasons many people would think it does... the words really hit me... yesterday this song came on the radio and I felt God speak to my heart...

"listen to the song... hear the words... you can be the generation that breaks the chains... you were made to be courageous" 

Now I know that the movie and the song are geared towards men being the spiritual leaders of their families and their homes and being the men God created them to be... but... don't you think it can be seen in other ways too? You may picture a lot of things when you hear the song... or the word... or when you watch the movie... well I picture this:

The faces of the people who have joined in the fight for the orphans of Sierra Leone... the faces of the people who work at the Covering... the faces of the people who have traveled to SL and loved on those kids... the faces of the people who sponsor kids or who are forever families... the faces of the people who step up for "least of these"... and these are just a few of them... 

they are being courageous... It's not an easy road... there are battles to fight every day... if you read the TRS blog... or you are friends with any of these people on facebook you know the stories... the teams, the TRS staff, all of them... face the injustice in Sierra Leone every day... 

think about what the song says... 

"we were made to be courageous"

 we're not just supposed to try... we were made this way... God prepared us to be this way... so that we could fight for the people of His kingdom who don't have a voice... 

"the only way we'll ever stand is on our knees with lifted hands"

The only way we can truly be strong enough, the only way we can win is with God... sometimes it is better to stop and pray... to stop and cry out to God because honestly... He is breaking our hearts for what already breaks His... it's not like we are seeing things He does not know about... He has called us to do something about it... he has called us to be courageous.

"seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God"

anybody who has been following the TRS blog... (if you haven't check it out at http://savetheorphan.blogspot.com/) know that there are some tough battles being fought right now... we are trying to raise enough money to move to an amazing center where we could have not 90 some kids... but 200... TWO HUNDRED kids... however... there is quite a cost increase... and we have all been praying for God to provide... There have been some injustices that teams have faced while on the ground ... but we continue to seek justice... love with mercy... and walk with God... 

and finally... my favorite line that just stands out for me... 

"In the war of the blind I will make my stand 

in the battle of the heart and the battle of the hands..." 

There are many people who do not see... who do not want to see... but this is a battle of the heart and the battle of the hands... you don't have to travel to Sierra Leone or any other country to make a difference... you can do so much from right there at your computer... post a facebook status that spreads awareness... give up starbucks for a month ($3.50 for a cup of coffee every other day adds up to enough to sponsor a child)... make a donation to the new building fund... there is more than just the use of your hands... use your heart too... 

"we were made to be courageous and we're taking back the fight...

we were made to be courageous and it starts with us tonight..."

When emails knock your socks off...

As I mentioned in my last post, our trip to San Antonio brought with it a lot of brick wall moments... One of those moments kind of splashed over and lasted through the week after we got back... and this moment would be the email interview with one of Central's communications writers...

I got the email from Jen about needing some jpeg images for a piece they were doing about Jen, central students, and Sierra Leone... etc... and they needed the photo of all of us on the beach together and the one of me holding baby Zainab...

I got this email while we were in the middle of the "Market" (if you have been to San Antonio, you will know this market makes you feel like you crossed the border and are now in the middle of Mexico...). The majority of the trip so far had really reminded me of my trip to Guatemala last summer because of the Spanish influence and such so the email kind of caught me off guard because... to be honest... I had kind of shut out the experience at the Children's hospital... the game face that I had when I was there never really left... not that I had been ignoring that it happened.. but I just couldn't emotionally deal with it yet... and then I kind of had a melt down in the market...

I turned to my mom and I said, "I don't think I can relive that again... and read a story about it or answer questions about it..." and all my mom said was, "Hanna this is why you went there... you're meant to be able to share the stories..."

Man oh man does she know me... she was right... the admitting statement no daughter wants to make... my mom was right. I did not go all the way to Sierra Leone, West Africa to come home and be silent about what I saw...

And then, the next email came... Rachel, the Central communications writer... asking if I would be able to answer a few questions... this email came while we were sitting in the Denver airport about to be delayed a good 2 hours so I said I would love to but wouldn't be able to get back to her until the next day.... and this is where the third email comes in... the questions...

So I took a good hour the day after we got back from San Antonio to dive in to the memories I had kept locked in some closet in the back of my mind... I would no longer just tell people "I held a dying baby" and move on... no... baby Zainab will never be forgotten... I will tell her story to all those who will listen, and probably those who don't want to...

So is kind of a basic summary of the questions I had been dreading... some easy to answer like "why did you decide to go to Sierra Leone?" and others... not so much... like these...


What was your most powerful memory there?

I think that my 'defining moment' on this trip happened at the children's hospital. 

    We were upstairs in the hospital and we were told the 'worst' cases were in the back of the room. I have no idea why but I immediately felt like that was where I needed to be, so I began to walk back there. On my way I could see children that were literally skin and bones, parents believing that their dying children would be fine, and heartbreak around almost every turn. This was a game face day... no tears until we were back on the bus because these people did not know that they were dying or that their children were dying. Looking at the parents and talking to them was one of the hardest things, and when I thought it couldn't get harder I turned around and I saw her... a baby, laying on a bed, alone. 

    I walked over and asked a nurse if I could hold her and she nodded and handed her to me. I asked what she had, what was wrong with her, what her name was, how old is she, where her mother or father was... and the only answer I got was, "she just has TB." That stopped me in my tracks... just TB? This baby looked awful, she was the tiniest thing, and as the nurse left without answering any of my other questions I realized she wasn't really breathing... 

    This was the point that I began kind of internally freaking out... thoughts were running through my mind, "I am holding a dead baby..." Then I looked up and Jen was there, I told her what I knew about her, the nurse came over again and we found out that Baby Zainab was born premature, she was now 5 months old, her mother was somewhere 'bathing', and that she was very sick. 

    Jen ended up being able to find a very faint pulse, and when I gave her to Jen to hold she barely opened her eyes. We prayed over her, we loved on her, and then we had to put her back on the bed... alone. This was quite possibly the single most hardest thing I have done, leaving her there knowing she was inches from death, and knowing she would probably die alone... 

    This is what I would call the defining moment of my trip... the moment that will stay with me forever... and definitely my most powerful memory.

And there were more questions... like do do you think you make a difference? what did you gain from the experience? what did you lose? ... Up to the end of the email they had all been pretty hard to answer... and to think about... but the last question was easy... "Why do you respect Jen as a professor and as a person?" and this was my response:

        I almost feel like this is a trick question. How could you not respect a woman who is as inspiring,     
          family oriented, hardworking, passionate, and faith filled as she is? 

     I have taken both classes that Jen teaches (Children with Exceptionalities and Developmental Psychology) both of which were challenging but rewarding. I feel that I learned a lot from her and the classes she taught because she is good at what she does and has a passion for her content as well as her students. She is also my advisor, and I couldn't ask for a better one. 

     On a more personal level, away from school, she is what I like to call my mom away from home. She is a mentor, she is a light, and she is an incredible professor. Neither Central nor my life would be the same without her. 

Those of you who know Jen will know what I mean... I couldn't be more blessed to know her... And I am even more blessed to have my socks knocked off by her email and the ones from Rachel that followed...

At the end of my last post I asked you to think about what it was that God was calling you to... but this time I am asking something different...

Are you sharing what He has shown you? and when you do share, is He the center of what you are saying? or are you just answering questions in the fastest and most direct answers, like I was?

Share what God has shown you... 

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden."

Matthew 5:14

It's Not All About Africa...

Well, I haven't blogged for a ridiculously long time... been trying to put into words what has been on my heart... 

I have decided on a new answer to the classic "it's not all about Africa" comment that usually comes up... or even the "why Africa?"...

The truth of the matter is.... Yes it is all about Africa and the why is... If I didn't have Africa who would I be? If you would have asked me 2 years ago where I thought I would be in my life... The last thing I would have said would be an advocate for orphans in Sierra Leone... Actually I doubt I would have even known where it was..... 

Sierra Leone is in West Africa, seen in red above.

You see... There is this God... He is a pretty amazing God who has these plans for us... Plans that were made even before we were... And He knows where we are going, why, and how...

 About this time last year after my first trip I remember thinking, "I HAVE to get back to that country" ...I had no idea how and I don't even really think I can say I knew why... I just knew that a huge chunk of my heart would forever be there... With all the kids, but especially Foday...(shout out to Melissa, I've never met you but I am so excited you're his Forever Mom!) I had no idea how I was going to be able to go back and see him and the other kids and the country and well, all of it... But God provided....

Foday and me on my first trip in May 2011

At the beach on my trip in May of this year. 

So it's that time of year again for me... And I think I am going to have a lot of these times... Wondering when I will go back, how on earth I will be able to save/raise enough money to go...and what God will have in store for me on the next trip... But this year is a little different for me... Mom, Dad, and I just went to San Antonio, TX for a family vacation... And I guess you could say I had a lot of what I like to call... brick wall moments... Most people would say that when an idea hits you it's a light bulb moment.. Well when something relating to Africa hits me... It comes with the strength of a brick wall... No light bulbs for this girl...

It all started on the plane ride to TX... Our flight attendant, Sharon, she was one of those angels God sends you at the most random times to re-energize the fire He lit in your heart.... Well Sharon and I got into a conversation about Sierra Leone and how I got involved and what we do when we are there.... And let me tell you, that woman got it! Her heart was truly hurt by what I was telling her and she understood how I felt... Those of you who have been to SL or other trips like it will know what I mean... Not many people truly get it... They nod their heads and move on with their normal lives... Well guess what... For those of us who have gone to Sierra Leone and fallen in love with a child, who have seen indescribable poverty, who have held a child inches from death... We don't have normal lives any more... 

Holding baby Zainab (5 months old) at the children's hospital.
It took us what seemed like forever to find a pulse,
and it was barely there when we did find it.

From there it was the little things... Wearing one of my TRS shirts that says "part of my heart lives in Africa" into a restaurant and one of the workers saying " I like your shirt, that's really cool".... Reading updates about how TRS is helping save innocent lives and what teams on the ground are doing... Sitting in an airport waiting to fly home from a vacation and getting an answered prayer in a Facebook message from Sara about being part of a fundraising committee.... Getting an email from a Central communications staff member interviewing me about my experience and giving me the opportunity to share my stories.... You see... My life is no longer normal... 

I have had people tell me a trip like this would be too hard... well yes its hard, it's been the hardest thing I have ever done... But this life is not mine, it's His... And who am I to tell the  King of Kings.... "you know what? I think I'm ok... I'll just chill out here in my comfort zone and live my fairy tale life..." I can't do that... My life has been gloriously ruined... For this country  that has the brightest stars shining in the midst of the darkness... 

So yes, now it is all about Africa... That is where God sent me... That is what He called me to... We are ALL part of His kingdom... It's not just America... It's not just Africa... It's all of it.... He calls each of us to different parts ... To do different things...  So for me, right now... It's all about Africa because that's where I have been called.... What's yours? Where is God calling you? Sierra Leone? Romania? Guatemala? Down the street? Next door? ....If you look... There are people in need everywhere... And you and I are His hands and feet.... So what are you waiting for?

May 2011 Team

May 2012 Team

To those of you who have been gloriously ruined along with me... Don't let the fire in your fight die... Recognize the people in your life like Sharon the flight attendant who re-energize you... And keep fighting for His kingdom... We will win.

This has been on my mind lately...

I will be traveling to Sierra Leone again this May... As we are approaching the trip and I have been thinking about all of the stress, money, time, that goes into a trip like this and then I remember it is nothing compared to what the people we see while we are there go through every day... it is nothing compared to the things God does for us... it is simply life... and while I'm living it... I want the ride to be worth it...

 So I'm hoping on the life roller coaster that has big loops, hills, and rides really fast... because coasting on a flat track would just not be what God has asked of  me...                                                   

"I will not leave you as orphans..." John 14:18

Wondering how you can help the kiddos at The Covering?  There are so many ways you can make a difference in their lives! How about sponsoring a child for education, clothing, medicine, or all of them together?

Picking Violets is an up and coming country duo.  Not only do they have beautiful voices but they also have beautiful hearts...  Join PV as they fight to save the orphans.

Check out the video at this link below to see how $7 a month can help these, and many other, smiling faces!!

Learn about The TRIBE!
(use code IA3)

If you have any questions feel free to email me at wilsonh1@central.edu

Thanks for your support!

Across the ocean...

Well... it's been a while since I have had a chance to finish the stories of my trip! I've been a bit busy since we got back! So here is how the rest of my week went:

We arrived in Accra, Ghana early in the morning. When we got off the plane the African heat and humidity was like a wall.  I immediately had the feeling that I was not actually there walking into an African airport and hearing other languages and knowing that "no Toto... we are not anywhere near Kansas anymore."

While we were in Ghana we had the amazing opportunity to meet the mother and sister of a student that my professor, Jen, is hosting through a basketball program!

The next few hours are really quite comical as I look back on the experience.  We ended up being forced to purchase transit visas because we were in the country 5 hours and like 40 minutes and you have to buy one if you are there longer than 5 hours and 30 minutes so that was an interesting 20 minutes in a big Ghanaian security officer's office with an oscillating fan in the corner... THEN... after finally getting to our plane I found my seat and it was between two of the biggest, smelliest German men I have ever met in my life.  Little did I know that the body odor I was smelling was simply something I needed to get used to ... and fast!  The German men were very nice and teased me about going to Sierra Leone for 'holiday' but I finally figured out how to explain a mission trip to them so that they would understand what it was.  

In the end we made it to Sierra Leone and got off the plane... and that's when it hit me.  I thought to myself "Holy cow Hanna, what in the world have you gotten yourself into this time!" 

As soon as we set foot inside the airport it was mass chaos... people moving everywhere, talking, and yelling.  I grabbed Sara's backpack and just held on and followed her and the rest of our team through what I presume was customs but it was nothing like the US.  Then we went to our luggage and got carts and started pulling all of our suitcases. We wheeled outside and some Sierra Leonean men took our bags, tagged them, and put them in the back of the van.  Jen and I got in the van and proceeded to ride over to the Pelican Boat dock (it's a water taxi that takes you over to Freetown). 

I quickly learned that if I was at all nervous at any point in the trip, I didn't have time to think about it I just had to keep moving.  When I realized this was when we were getting ready to get onto the boat... the dock was moving and the boat was moving, but not together... the water was going onto the dock and I began to think "I'm not even going to make it to Freetown!" But my feet kept moving and before I knew it I was sitting in the boat with a life jacket on heading towards Freetown.  

After a long journey we finally made it to the city where we met Osseh and Cari! Then we got in cars and drove through the city to the guest house! Below are some quick snaps I got of Freetown.

Selling candies.

This is a typical house in Freetown.

This is essentially where you buy things.

After arriving in Freetown we went to the guest house and got settled in.  Sara met Musa for the first time! (This is the little boy her family sponsors, you can see a picture below) We had our first fabulous supper cooked by Auntie Marie.  Sierra Leone style spaghetti! After that we went over to the orphanage, it's called The Covering, for evening prayers and worship. This was the first time we saw the kids and let me tell you were they happy to see you! I have never had so many kids hug me at once.  These kids brought a whole new meaning to the words hug, pray, and love! I have never sweat so much in my entire life! All the kids are hugging you and the little ones want to be held and it was pitch black in one of the rooms so you had no idea who was around you.  This was also the first time we all met sweet Lucy Loo! Below are some pictures from the evening!

Sara with Musa.

Jen with Lucy.

Evening worship...

Jen and Lucy again. 

This was my first day in Africa... more to come soon!