I got the email from Jen about needing some jpeg images for a piece they were doing about Jen, central students, and Sierra Leone... etc... and they needed the photo of all of us on the beach together and the one of me holding baby Zainab...
I got this email while we were in the middle of the "Market" (if you have been to San Antonio, you will know this market makes you feel like you crossed the border and are now in the middle of Mexico...). The majority of the trip so far had really reminded me of my trip to Guatemala last summer because of the Spanish influence and such so the email kind of caught me off guard because... to be honest... I had kind of shut out the experience at the Children's hospital... the game face that I had when I was there never really left... not that I had been ignoring that it happened.. but I just couldn't emotionally deal with it yet... and then I kind of had a melt down in the market...
I turned to my mom and I said, "I don't think I can relive that again... and read a story about it or answer questions about it..." and all my mom said was, "Hanna this is why you went there... you're meant to be able to share the stories..."
Man oh man does she know me... she was right... the admitting statement no daughter wants to make... my mom was right. I did not go all the way to Sierra Leone, West Africa to come home and be silent about what I saw...
And then, the next email came... Rachel, the Central communications writer... asking if I would be able to answer a few questions... this email came while we were sitting in the Denver airport about to be delayed a good 2 hours so I said I would love to but wouldn't be able to get back to her until the next day.... and this is where the third email comes in... the questions...
So I took a good hour the day after we got back from San Antonio to dive in to the memories I had kept locked in some closet in the back of my mind... I would no longer just tell people "I held a dying baby" and move on... no... baby Zainab will never be forgotten... I will tell her story to all those who will listen, and probably those who don't want to...
So is kind of a basic summary of the questions I had been dreading... some easy to answer like "why did you decide to go to Sierra Leone?" and others... not so much... like these...
What was your most powerful memory there?
I think that my 'defining moment' on this trip happened at the children's hospital.
We were upstairs in the hospital and we were told the 'worst' cases were in the back of the room. I have no idea why but I immediately felt like that was where I needed to be, so I began to walk back there. On my way I could see children that were literally skin and bones, parents believing that their dying children would be fine, and heartbreak around almost every turn. This was a game face day... no tears until we were back on the bus because these people did not know that they were dying or that their children were dying. Looking at the parents and talking to them was one of the hardest things, and when I thought it couldn't get harder I turned around and I saw her... a baby, laying on a bed, alone.
I walked over and asked a nurse if I could hold her and she nodded and handed her to me. I asked what she had, what was wrong with her, what her name was, how old is she, where her mother or father was... and the only answer I got was, "she just has TB." That stopped me in my tracks... just TB? This baby looked awful, she was the tiniest thing, and as the nurse left without answering any of my other questions I realized she wasn't really breathing...
This was the point that I began kind of internally freaking out... thoughts were running through my mind, "I am holding a dead baby..." Then I looked up and Jen was there, I told her what I knew about her, the nurse came over again and we found out that Baby Zainab was born premature, she was now 5 months old, her mother was somewhere 'bathing', and that she was very sick.
Jen ended up being able to find a very faint pulse, and when I gave her to Jen to hold she barely opened her eyes. We prayed over her, we loved on her, and then we had to put her back on the bed... alone. This was quite possibly the single most hardest thing I have done, leaving her there knowing she was inches from death, and knowing she would probably die alone...
This is what I would call the defining moment of my trip... the moment that will stay with me forever... and definitely my most powerful memory.
And there were more questions... like do do you think you make a difference? what did you gain from the experience? what did you lose? ... Up to the end of the email they had all been pretty hard to answer... and to think about... but the last question was easy... "Why do you respect Jen as a professor and as a person?" and this was my response:
I almost feel like this is a trick question. How could you not respect a woman who is as inspiring,
family oriented, hardworking, passionate, and faith filled as she is?
I have taken both classes that Jen teaches (Children with Exceptionalities and Developmental Psychology) both of which were challenging but rewarding. I feel that I learned a lot from her and the classes she taught because she is good at what she does and has a passion for her content as well as her students. She is also my advisor, and I couldn't ask for a better one.
On a more personal level, away from school, she is what I like to call my mom away from home. She is a mentor, she is a light, and she is an incredible professor. Neither Central nor my life would be the same without her.
Those of you who know Jen will know what I mean... I couldn't be more blessed to know her... And I am even more blessed to have my socks knocked off by her email and the ones from Rachel that followed...
At the end of my last post I asked you to think about what it was that God was calling you to... but this time I am asking something different...
Are you sharing what He has shown you? and when you do share, is He the center of what you are saying? or are you just answering questions in the fastest and most direct answers, like I was?
Share what God has shown you...
"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden."
Matthew 5:14
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Insert smiley face here!!
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